Psychotherapy for Adults Raised by Parents with Mental Illness

You’re an adult who has a parent with significant mental health challenges. You know that the relationship you have with your parent is not ideal, but that may not be your most pressing concern. You want to stop feeling so uncomfortable in your skin and relationships with others. You often feel that you can’t just be yourself, and at times, you’re not even sure who you are. When you have strong thoughts and opinions, you may not express them for fear that you might upset someone or push them away. This is the last thing that you want because you crave closeness in your relationships, but you don’t know how to create it. You may even be in a romantic relationship that feels good and comfortable at times, but you know that something is missing or you are too fearful to assert yourself or create conflict. You’ve grown used to putting your needs and wants last. When you do feel a sense of disapproval from others, you may spiral into anxiety, depression, anger, or self-criticism.

Because our early years and the relationship with our parents teach us how to see the world, interact with others, and what to expect from others in relationships, it is important to understand the dynamics between you and your parents. I use an attachment survey and other methods to figure this out. People form conscious and subconscious “rules” based on these early relationships. It’s especially helpful to understand this foundation when we dig into counseling. 

While very important, understanding alone isn’t going to help you get better. Once we thoroughly understand the problem, we can formulate strategies that will be helpful to you. I have found that creating a low-pressure, warm, and friendly therapy relationship makes getting better easier. Oftentimes the solution to difficult problems requires creativity. Stress, anxiety, and fear inhibit creativity, so it’s very important to keep therapy as relaxed as possible. This doesn’t mean that psychotherapy is easy. It just means that when you’re working through challenges, I'm going to be consistently kind, and supportive and be receptive to your needs, opinions, and thoughts.

I teach people how to restructure the way they see themselves and their roles and values in relationships. We do this by focusing on healthy ways to be assertive without blaming others, understanding where your responsibility begins and ends in challenging situations, and discovering how to gain approval from within rather than getting it solely from others. We work to find ways to cope with negative emotions while learning to increase and experience positive emotions even if things are not perfect.

The most consistent things that I’ve heard from clients that I've worked with is that they have fewer “off” days, less intense, negative emotions, and an increase of positive emotions. They can move out of these dark spaces with greater ease and more quickly. Clients also report that they experience peace for the first time, sometimes, in years. They can recognize dysfunctional patterns when they begin which allows them to pump the breaks and do something different. This is an empowering experience because it allows people to exit negative cycles of behavior that have historically caused so much pain and distress.

It’s tempting to continue to avoid the problem, but you know that this will only prolong your dissatisfaction and pain. You know that each day that passes, you become more complacent and believe that you are less and less deserving of building a life that you don’t want to escape from.  You’re tired of using unhealthy means to cope with difficult feelings and negative thoughts and you may find yourself in a relationship that is unhealthy or harmful… or maybe you’ve just been white-knuckling through life.

The process of psychotherapy can help you unpack current and childhood experiences in a supportive place and leave behind baggage and patterns that don’t serve you well anymore. Cultivating new ways of approaching relationships and shifting the way you see yourself is one of the most satisfying and powerful experiences in therapy. When you're able to be more authentic with others and yourself, you might find it easier to leave behind negative means of coping and increase your overall quality of life and wellness.

If you’re ready to set aside guilt and shame and put yourself first, click here to set up an appointment. Get ready to start feeling more confidence, peace, and joy in your daily life, learn healthy ways to cope, and nurture more intimate relationships with others.